Stephanie's story
After the birth of my first child, Esme, I heard people say that their birth had been a really positive experience. This was utterly alien to me and something I couldn't imagine. To me, the birth of my daughter was something I lived through. That was as good as it got. Thankfully the outcome was a beautiful baby girl but after a sick pregnancy and horrible labour I was convinced, for at least a year, that my daughter would be an only child!!
Having taken an NCT course before my first child, I hoped for a hospital birth with minimal intervention. Unfortunately this did not happen and my daughter's birth was a 35 hour marathon. I had my TENS machine, refused constant monitoring when I was admitted and stayed mobile for the first 20 hours of labour. I then succumbed to exhaustion as I was told it would be at least another 7 hours before I was fully dilated. If Virginia had been there, she would have told me I was doing fine and could manage it, but unfortunately I hadn't heard of independant midwives at that time. As a result I had 2 epidurals, 10 hours apart, both of which failed but effectively pinned me to the bed. I eventually had a ventouse delivery, an episiotomy and further tear. I was stitched up by a junior doctor, and 4 months later had to have additional terrible surgery to rectify her poor stitching. Exhaution and a subsequent infection made the first month feel like very hard work.
With the birth of my second child, I knew that I did not want to go into a hospital but couldn't get my head around the alternatives. My husband, and also myself to a lesser extent, was petrified that if I didn't give birth in a hospital accompanied by a special care baby unit, we would be opening ourselves up for potential disaster. To us, birth seemed such a traumatic affair that we couldn't conceive of the fact that it might not require extensive medical intervention and full hospital back up!
For the first seven months of my pregnancy my husband refused to consider/discuss a home birth. The suggested possibility of it sent us into fierce arguments. This left me feeling helpless and unable to decide what I really wanted. Somehow, we eventually came to a compromise. We would see how it went and decide on the day. I got everything in for a home delivery including hiring a birthing pool from my IM. I also had my bag packed with everything I would need if I had a hospital birth. My husband didn't realise I was serious about the possibility of a home birth until a pool arrived five days before my due date. I couldn't bring myself to actually think 'I will have a home birth' as it seemed too radical to me. I just knew I didn't want to go anywhere near the hospital.
The birth of my second child, Connor, was an incredible experience which left me feeling amazed and extremely lucky. It all happened in under 5 hours, start to finish, which helped! I had Connor in a pool in our bedroom. Virginia came just when we needed her and provided a confident and calming influence which made us believe we could manage it. Afterwards I sat in bed and fed Connor, while Virginia and my husband tidied up. It was so lovely to be at home, in the peace and quiet, and not to have to worry about hospital infection. Other than my TENS machine and hot water in the pool, I had no pain relief. It's hard to believe that, having experienced pain greater than anything I could have imagined, it would be such an incredibly positive experience.
Would I do that same again? No. Next time I would say 'I am having a home birth, unless circumstances arise that mean I have to transfer to hospital'. I will be forever grateful to Virginia for making the whole thing possible.
